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Spiritual Life

You don’t have to be good.

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on You don’t have to be good.
I’ve recently re-discovered poet Mary Oliver, and I wonder why I ever wandered from having her poems echo in my mind and heart daily. One poem that has spoken deeply to my heart is this one:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
            love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
Calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
                                                -Mary Oliver
I love this poem because it reminds me that I have been made in the image of God. As God’s creation, what I most want deep, deep, deep down is union with my first love, the Triune God who made me. All of my efforts to “be good” are really just misguided attempts for union, for oneness. Mary Oliver helps me return to my truest self, with compassion, by reminding me, “You do not have to be good.” Tell that to your inner-Puritan who has been striving to prove your worth through many versions of “walking on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.” All along, Jesus has continued to simply invite, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” This is what I’m really wanting, even though I myself may not always know it. God made “the soft animal of your body,” and He designed that soft animal of you to flourish best in an environment where you are fully known, fully loved, with no fear of rejection. The only place that exists is in the sweet embrace of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
Spiritual Life, Uncategorized

The #1 Key Ingredient for Getting Through Your Next Relational Conflict

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on The #1 Key Ingredient for Getting Through Your Next Relational Conflict
Tim and I got in a fight recently, and seemingly out of nowhere we were spinning, spiraling, at odds, and having trouble finding our way back to each other. In the midst of our tunnel of chaos, everything seemed so serious! We were cool and prickly towards one another like reptiles. Once we reconciled and found our way back to connection with each other, we were warm again, kind, and soft. When we are in a good place together, we relate like puppies, playful, creative and fun. But when we disconnect, we relate like reptiles, icy and aloof.
In his book A Failure of Nerve, Edwin Friedman writes this regarding anxious systems, be it an anxious family system, church staff, company, or an entire political system:

What contributes to this loss of perspective is the disappearance of playfulness, an attribute that originally evolved with mammals and which is an ingredient in both intimacy and the ability to maintain distance. You can, after all, play with your pet cat, horse, or dog, but it is absolutely impossible to develop a playful relationship with a reptile, whether it is your pet salamander, no matter how cute, or your pet turtle, snake, or alligator. They are deadly serious (that is, purposive) creatures.   Chronically anxious families (including institutions and whole societies) tend to mimic the reptilian response: Lacking the capacity to be playful, their perspective is narrow. Lacking perspective, their repertoire of responses is thin. Neither apology nor forgiveness is within their ken. When they try to work things out, their meetings wind up as brain-stem storming sessions. Indeed, in any family or organization, seriousness is so commonly an attribute of the most anxious (read “difficult”) members that they can quite appropriately be considered to be functioning out of a reptilian regression. Broadening the perspective, the relationship between anxiety and seriousness is so predictable that the absence of playfulness in any institution is almost always a clue to the degree of its emotional regression. -Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix

These words resonate with me! Are you experiencing stuck-ness in your home? In a friendship? In your business? With your kids?  The #1 thing standing in the way of you seeing a way through your situation today may be your serious posture, and the key ingredient to get you through may just be a little playfulness. Remember the importance of playfulness and its amazing ability to change the mood, open up perspective, and nurture possibilities that are otherwise buried under the weight of seriousness and purpose.  What a gift!
Playfulness stems from joy. Sometimes joy is hard to find. Nehemiah said, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” During tough times, the core of your joy, if you have joy at all, is going to be in your relationship with God. There are no limits to God’s joy or His strength; we have full access to these gifts. In recalling God’s availability and sufficiency, we regain our playfulness and our ability to become the non-anxious presence that is needed to find a way through.
Spiritual Life

3 Ways to Improve Your To-Do List

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on 3 Ways to Improve Your To-Do List
There are too many items on my to-do list today. I am guessing there may be too many on yours. Not only are there too many items to complete, but also when I review this list, it seems that the urgent stuff might crowd out the important stuff. Like Annie Dillard says, “How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives.”
Here is my to-do list today:
  • Write a message for Sunday
  • Write an article for the newsletter
  • Put together a church-wide survey
  • Figure out the problem with the info@plattparkchurch.org email address
  • Invite folks to participate in the pre-marital class
  • Line up a videographer
  • Meal plan and grocery shop for the week
  • Re-schedule the school tour
  • Exercise
  • Drink 60 oz of water
Pretty much every day I create a to-do list like this. Once I create my list, I scan it and prioritize my “top 3” tasks for that day. I like my system; it’s serving me well. But even if I do all these things and do them well, I could miss out on walking in faith, hope and love. God doesn’t call us to be efficiency machines; he invites us to be his children. Remember the story of Mary and Martha? Martha is busy with so many things, but Jesus says, “Mary has chosen the better and it shall not be taken from her.” Mary chose to worship at Jesus feet.
The most important thing is to keep the main thing the main thing! Scripture teaches that the main thing is to love God, and love people.
So here are 3 things I’m going to write into my to-do list today:
  • Spend time with Jesus walking the alleys of Platt Park
  • Tickle the kids and kiss Tim
  • Say hello to the strangers I see throughout the day
I encourage you to include these 3 items on your to-do list today (Write them down to hold yourself accountable):

1.  One way you can go outside and pray.

2.  One way you can notice the people in your life and show them love.

3.  One way you can spread kindness to a stranger.

You can write down anything you’d like, and it can be new and creative each day. What surprising, quirky, new or faith-filled item could you check off your list today?
Uncategorized

In the Weeds or Up in the Treetop

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on In the Weeds or Up in the Treetop
“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” -Proverbs 29:18
I studied leadership at Denver Seminary, and one thing most leadership gurus agree on is the importance of vision. This word “vision” can be intimidating because sometimes it feels like vision is about always being energetic and/or crystal clear on what you want and where you’re going. But I think vision is really about caring. It is about caring deeply. If you have a vision for your family, you care deeply for them and want your kids to want to come home when they’re 30. If you have a vision for your marriage, then you care deeply and want to grow old together even as you both change over the years. If you have a vision for your company, then you care deeply and want to retain, develop and engage your customers and staff.  Vision is really about caring deeply.
The scriptures say that where there is no vision the people perish. Perish is a strong word. Perish means die, expire, rot, decay, wither, evaporate, vanish, disappear. Where there is no vision, the people perish. I’ve been fascinated by survival stories. Why do some people survive and others perish in the same set of extreme circumstances? Researchers have found that those who die simply lose hope, they give up caring, and they perish.
Every day you and I wake up and have the choice to be up in the treetop or down in the weeds. The reality is that much of life is lived in the weeds – filling up the car with gas, driving to work, figuring out what to eat, changing dirty diapers, paying bills, running the dishwasher again. But if we are only ever in the weeds and never up in the treetop, we go through a process of perishing. We slowly begin to wither on the inside. We might begin to lose sight of how God uniquely formed us for abundant life, joy, and participation in the Kingdom of God on earth.
I wonder what you can do today to get up in the treetop of your life? Here’s one idea, but if this doesn’t work for you, find something today that does: In your car before you enter the office or your home, intentionally set aside 5 minutes to take some deep breaths, close your eyes, be silent, and listen to the voice of God who has nothing but love and care for you. I believe true vision (deep caring) is born of God and is a gift He gives us as we create space in our lives to listen to Him.
What can you do today to step out of the weeds and foster a little “up in the treetop” time in your life?
Uncategorized

The Sacred Practice of Staying Put

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on The Sacred Practice of Staying Put
Sometimes the most sacred thing you can do is stay put.
I grew up in a church that really emphasized the importance of going. They spoke often about the gospel as “Go ye into all the world and make disciples…” Every year an elaborate missions festival highlighted all of the people who had forsaken everything to follow Jesus by going to another part of the world to minister. I am grateful for the incredible people I know who have listened to this call to go. They are doing important kingdom work, Jesus’ own great commission work.  However, sometimes the emphasis on this particular spiritual path of “leaving everything” to follow Him has diminished the worth of staying.
Tim and I moved 8 times in the first 12 years of our marriage, but we have now lived in the same house for 3 years – a new record for us! I am starting to see the value of staying in one spot. One beautiful byproduct of staying is the opportunity to foster community. Kurt Vonnegut once said, “What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” Like tending a garden, fostering stable communities takes time, energy, love, and creativity. The community to which God calls me may be in another part of the world, or it may be right within my family, neighborhood, or office. For this season of our lives, God has called Tim and me to grow roots right here, in this home, with our two children and with Platt Park Church. We are practicing taking relational risks, extending and receiving hospitality, healthily engaging conflict, and enjoying humor and intimacy.
Another rich blessing of staying has been, ironically, the opportunity to explore how Christ’s invitation to “go” is relevant for every follower of Christ. Whether we travel far or stay close to what is familiar, often the hardest things to leave behind are the instincts that live and wage war inside of us. Relocation will never resolve our resentment, anger, jealousy, lust, fear of failure, competition, and the need to prove our worthiness.  We hold these internal attachments in the secret places of our hearts. They reside in our wishes, hopes, dreams and fears more than in our physical address. Often these things go unnoticed and untended, but we need to leave them in order to fully follow Christ.
When Jesus tells us to “go,” he may have more than one possibility in mind! This Christmas, as we celebrate Jesus’ own leavetaking from his heavenly home to stay with us a while, let’s listen deeply for his particular invitation to us.
Spiritual Life, Uncategorized

One Thing Most of Us Agree On

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on One Thing Most of Us Agree On
There is a lot of debate going on in our world today. Debate over who will make the next best president, debate over immigration, debate over gun control. But with all the debate, it seems that most of us agree on one thing at this time of year – and that is our desire for peace on earth.
What is the “peace on earth” that Christ came to bring?  Peace on earth is not the absence of conflict, and it’s not the perfect poise of a stress-free life. Rather, it is this: peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled. From this peace we become free to have the humility to say sorry, the confidence to accept when we blow it, the hope that is higher than our worst fears, and the trust that transcends the ups and downs of a world at war. This peace brings stability that is present in the midst of a storm, during the ups and downs of our relationships, and this peace can carry us thru the joys and grief’s of this life.
The heart of Christ’s birth and the peace on earth that Christmas brings is found in those old familiar words we sing, “peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled.”
See, we usually tend to think that world peace is the result of certain problems being solved, and so we say:
  1. the problem is just ignorance, we need better information
  2. the problem is just indifference, we need more compassion
  3. the problem is just apathy, we need more motivation
But the scriptures teach that our primary problem is estrangement from God. Like a couple that was once in love and is now estranged, the scriptures say I am estranged from God and so I need reconciliation. Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled. The story of God is that He created the world as a perfect Garden, and because we turned our own way it became a wild jungle. Our planet and all people on it were created for good, but we and our world have been deeply damaged by evil. In Christ we are restored for better – but not just so that we can be better – but also so that we can be sent together to heal a broken and hurting world.
God offers us the gift of peace – not just so we can be at peace – but so that we can go be peacemakers in the world. How will you be a peacemaker this year?
Uncategorized

On the Edge of Forevermore…

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on On the Edge of Forevermore…
The other day I met with a couple whose marriage is totally on the edge. In their case, the passion is gone, and they’ve both grown distant. They believe it’s unlikely that their relationship will survive. I care about this couple deeply and have known them for a long time. My heart breaks over their situation.
My heart breaks partly because I believe in redemption, and I have witnessed its surprising grace in marriage. That grace comes in many different ways, sometimes through fighting and staying and rediscovering intimacy, and other times through trying every resource and ultimately leaving (possibly for reasons of personal safety – physical, emotional, mental, &/or spiritual).
But I worry about the prevalence of people who seem to shortcut the potential for redemption in marriage. Many are turning away from each other because they no longer experience pleasure, delight, or intimacy together anymore. Certainly, these are painful developments, and they demand attention and care in marriage, but I grieve over the flippancy with which our culture offers marital breakup as a good solution. I asked my friends who are contemplating divorce a question that I have asked a hundred times before, “Have you been to counseling?” and their response, like a hundred others I’ve heard before was, “We looked into that, but it’s too expensive, and we are so busy.”
In that moment, I wanted to say to them, “Seriously? Too expensive? Too time consuming? I don’t mean to lose my cool here, but think this through. You are considering divorce… Do you know how expensive that is?  Do you realize how time consuming that will be?! Please, please, please do not enter that path lightly. I know that sometimes divorce is the only option left, and there are solid reasons for people to split up. But I implore you to try every other good resource first. Give redemption a fighting chance!”
There is no price too high to pay and no investment of time too great to try and save a marriage before calling it quits.
During our 3rd year of marriage, Tim and I hit an extremely rough patch. It was scary for both of us to experience the intensity of emotions, to see such an ugly side of ourselves and each other. I remember in the midst of that painful season, I called a friend and told her we were really struggling. We talked, she listened and held space, and then offered me one of the most generous gifts in that season. She simply said that she had an amazing counselor who was difficult to get in to see, but she would be willing to give up her upcoming session with him and give it to us if we would be willing to drive the 3 hours to see him. Without skipping a beat, we said yes. We did. We drove 3 hours, both ways, multiple times, and paid money on top of that to see this man. I am so grateful we did, and I can undoubtedly say it was worth every penny and all the time it took.
So, I hope you will forgive me when I get weary of hearing, “It’s too expensive,” or “We just don’t have time.” If this is your situation today, hear my urgency, which comes from love: Make time. Find the money. Because there is no price too high and no time investment too great to do all you can to save your marriage. God is the great Redeemer, but we often get to participate in that process through the choices we make, which can have a forevermore impact.
If you don’t know who to see, email me. If you truly cannot find a way to pay, email me. Just do not let time and money be the reasons you walk away from giving your marriage every chance to succeed.
*If you have experienced a divorce you regret, know that God’s pleasure & delight in you has not changed and He still has unlimited capacity for redemption. Our mistakes never cancel out God’s mercy and the potential for God to still work beauty, goodness, and healing in and through our lives.
Pastoral Leadership, Spiritual Life

Ecosystem

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Ecosystem
During our all-church family meeting last month, someone asked, “What is our vision for growth as a church?” Our vision is to help people become passionate, devoted followers of Christ. One dimension of that vision is outreach. 93% of people living in Denver are not connected to a faith community. Many people are neither experiencing God’s great love for them nor God’s purpose for their lives. We hope to respond to that need by intentionally reaching out to more people in our 30-minute footprint with God’s love. We love because He first loved us. We pray God will fill and flood your life, your neighbor’s life, and your families’ lives with His light and love until no seat is left empty when we gather in worship.
Alongside reaching out, our vision is that God would transform you and I into his likeness and form us in community. Transformation happens as we understand and embrace in ever-increasing ways that we are God’s beloved, precious in His eyes. Community happens as we respect, honor, and enjoy each other. Our vision is that God would so knit us together that no one in this city would be alone. Our vision is for little groups of friendship to form all over Denver where love and laughter and friendship would spontaneously spring up, and everyone would know that they are never alone.
Our vision is that when we run out of seats in our sanctuary, we start planting churches, rather than building a bigger building, which furthers the vision of helping more people become passionate, devoted followers of Christ. Here is why we care about this vision: 1) People matter to God, 2) We exist to represent Christ in this world and convey to others that they matter to God. 3) We see our church as an eco-system, similar to a river. Every eco-system has a carrying capacity. If a river has a carrying capacity for 500 fish, that means the river is designed to care for 500 fish. 500 fish can thrive there. But if that river suddenly has far fewer or far more fish than it is designed to carry, the fish will begin to die. Churches, like eco-systems, have a carrying capacity. The carrying capacity of a church is determined by the number of worship services, the number of staff and volunteers, the size of the sanctuary, etc. The carrying capacity of Platt Park Church is about 500-600. Last Sunday we had 225. Platt Park church could double in size today with our exact same facility, staff and programing! Whatever our size, our mission will always be to help people become passionate, devoted followers of Christ. This vision is compatible with growth, and we’re excited to live into it boldly, exercising our responsibility to be good stewards of what God has entrusted to us to continue to reach out to people in Denver.
Parenting, Spiritual Life

Lyla, GuGu, & Me

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Lyla, GuGu, & Me
Lyla, our newly adopted 2 year-old, affectionately calls her 4 year-old brother Russell “GuGu,” which means “big brother” in Mandarin. She adores him, looks up to him, follows him around and takes her cues from her GuGu. Lyla has gone through a huge adjustment, leaving her home country for a new country with a family that speaks a new language and looks different from the faces she had grown accustomed to seeing. One of the ways she has coped with this change is to attach to Russell. Russell also has gone through a huge adjustment, from being the only kid in the house to immediately having a 2 year-old sister with whom he does not always want to share his toys, his time, or his parents. He is often tender and sweet towards Lyla, combing her hair and feeding her yogurt, but sometimes he reveals just how difficult this change has been for him. Today, Russell not-so-affectionately (but hilariously) said to Lyla, with great passion, “I am not being your sister anymore!” (yes, he said sister rather than brother 🙂 )
Transitions shape us. Sometimes transitions come to us abruptly or violently, and other times we choose them joyfully, but they usually bring challenges. We will either become bitter or better through them. We will either find a way to embrace the change, or we will find ourselves resisting it and possibly arguing about it at every turn. Through changing seasons of life, our hope is to become more like Christ Jesus, who, during his greatest transition, did not resist but “being in very nature God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but rather made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and being found in human likeness, humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on the cross.” Jesus modeled extraordinary peacefulness and non-anxiety as he allowed transitions to shape him.
After seminary Tim and I moved to Iowa for Tim’s job. Initially, I was eager for that transition and chose it, but once we arrived, I did not embrace the changes easily. In my heart I fought the changes that came my way through that move, the small town, the church culture, and the new life. It was only through a combination of counseling+coaching+spiritual direction+time that I found my way through that season.
In hindsight, I wish I could have done some things differently; I regret my resistant attitude. Yet, as hard as that experience was, I wouldn’t remove it from my journey because in the end it shaped me in so many positive ways. I am grateful for the incredible guides I had along the way, who compassionately listened, provided space, challenged me, and guided me through the valleys and mountain peaks of that challenging terrain.
Now, when I see others in transition – like Lyla and Russell – I remember the part these seasons play in our development, and I thank God for them.
Pastoral Leadership, Spiritual Life

We Welcome Refugees

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on We Welcome Refugees
Sometimes a single photograph can change the world. Sometimes one photo can grab our attention, awaken our senses, and change our perspective. The recent photo of 3-year-old Aylan’s body being washed ashore on a Turkish beach and carried away by a policeman has grabbed the attention of our world. This heartbreaking photo has raised awareness about the refugee crisis in Syria and worldwide.
As followers of Christ, we see the images and cry out, “Lord, have mercy. Things are absolutely NOT the way they are supposed to be!”
Our first response might be to ask, where is God in this?
BUT WHAT IF GOD IS ASKING US, WHERE ARE YOU IN THIS?
Jesus talked of loving our neighbors as we love ourselves. Can you imagine if Aylan were your child? What does it mean to love a stranger and empathize with his or her pain even at a great distance? Do we grieve deeply over the displacement and desperation of thousands upon thousands of refugees’ lives? How can we tenderize our hearts to break as God’s does for those who suffer, knowing that He loves each of them as He loves each of us? What does love require of us?
Christ’s love compels us to care and to act, to respond to this crisis now with the urgency that all human life deserves. For this reason, Platt Park Church has partnered with the global movement #WeWelcomeRefugees. I encourage you to visit http://www.wewelcomerefugees.com to educate yourself further on what is going on in Syria and worldwide-and how the American Christian church, including us, can extend practical compassion.
Let the photographs we see and the stories we hear move us from where we are now to somewhere new, through the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance.