Category: Spiritual Life

Spiritual Life

Hosting Dinner with No Countertops

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Hosting Dinner with No Countertops

When Tim and I were first married I really rolled out the red carpet when hosting friends for dinner or out-of-town company for the weekend. I love entertaining, so making our house look like the Pottery Barn (on a Target budget) was fun for me. One of our early fights in marriage was about me wanting to roll out the red carpet for guests and Tim wanting to serve my parents pizza and beer on paper plates. Now after 11 years of being married, I have to say this is really one area that has changed for me. I still enjoy hosting beautiful dinners sometimes, but I have come to appreciate the time with people more than what we’re eating or how it all looks. 

So this morning I invited the neighbors for dinner, and they are coming over at 5 o’clock and our house is a total (not joking), total construction zone. I’m cooking on the plywood countertop until the real one is installed, and there is an uninstalled dishwasher in the middle of the kitchen, and all the windows are completely bare. But, we have a table and we have chairs and it will be a memory when I offer them a glass of wine in one of Russell’s sippy cups because I still can’t find the box with the wine glasses in it. But if I wait until everything is perfect, I probably won’t be hosting for a while because this house needs a lot of updating. So I’ve decided to just move forward with having people over – in our mess – and not worry about it. Relationships, faith and gratitude in the middle of a construction zone: that describes my life today.  

It seems there are two ways to live. One says, “I will be grateful when . . . [fill in the blank],” and the other says, “I will be grateful now.” You can say, “I will be grateful when . . . my house is done, or when I get that job, or find the right girl.” Or you can say, “I will be grateful now.” You choose.

Psalm 118:26 says, “This is the day that the Lord has made. We shall rejoice and be glad in it.”  It does not say tomorrow is the day God has made, or yesterday but rather “this is the day.” 

 What can you be grateful for today?

Parenting, Spiritual Life

What I’m Learning from Barney

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on What I’m Learning from Barney

While walking into church Sunday morning, I saw another mom and her child scurrying into the warm building because it was cold outside. I burst into a Barney song, “Cold, brrr, I wish I had fur, I wish I was a bear with furry, furry hair, it’s cold, brrr…”. Now, repeat that 5 times while dancing and spinning. (Click here if you want to see the professional himself perform this song.)

When Tim and I considered having children, I swore I would never watch the annoying purple dinosaur, let alone memorize his ridiculous songs! I love kids, but I really, really, really do not like most children’s music. All those sing song-y, stick in your head, repetitive songs just about drive me crazy.

When Russell and I are in the car together, we don’t listen to kids songs. We listen to U2, Taylor Swift, John M. McMillian, and Gungor – okay, you could argue Taylor Swift is in the kids category – but the point is that we do not listen to pre-school music.

However, sometime during this past month, Russell became enamored with Barney. Tim and I are not Barney people – or I should say we were not Barney people. We are not the kind of people who browse children’s books at Barnes & Noble. We are not especially fond of cartoons or the germ-infested petri dish called “The Bouncy Castle” at the fair. But we are Russell people, and Russell loves Barney. So, we have found joy in watching him study the purple dinosaur with the short arms who laughs and spins and sings.

I guess that is how love works. We do things we wouldn’t otherwise choose for ourselves because the people we love enjoy them. This is the lesson Barney and Russell have been teaching me. I love Russell, and Russell loves Barney, so – at least for now – we’ll be singing Barney’s silly songs in my house.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

First Steps

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on First Steps
Russell still walking on his knees
Russell still walking on his knees

Russell is a late walker. He is 16 months old now and mainly he still walks on his knees. Here is the thing: he can walk. I see him do it, but he just moves so fast walking on his knees that I guess he thinks,  “Why bother?”. When the knee-walking works so well, the motivation to change is just not very high.

I understand, Buddy. I am late at a few things too. I am late at learning that not every situation can be smoothed over, no matter how hard I try.  I am late to accept that love and small resentments can co-exist, and that doesn’t mean that the ship is sinking. I am late at realizing that almost everyone does what they do for a reason, and if I will listen long enough, I may just come to understand why.

But you know what? Late is okay sometimes, and grace is for the late ones. First steps will come soon enough.  In the meantime, from the first steps until the last steps, God’s grace is sufficient for both of us.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Gentle Reminders to Myself

by susiegrade1 Comment on Gentle Reminders to Myself

My life is a little crazy these days. Here is why: Besides co-leading a church with Tim, my family and I are moving into the church parsonage in January. I am involved in running a small side business we own, we are adopting a child, I am mom to a boy who is straddling the line between baby and toddler, and it’s almost Christmas.  So, I’ve decided to create a little list of instructions for myself to follow this month – just so I can be present and connected to God through Advent and keep everything in perspective when life is full.

Gentle reminders to myself for surviving the holidays:

  1. Go to your small group and tell everyone how you’re really doing, even if you sound stupid, or cry, or think they think you’re something other than fine.
  2. Avoid Pinterest for vague dreaming that only leaves you feeling inadequate.
  3. Use Pinterest only if you will actually implement a brilliant idea like removing some foul mildew smell in your towels. (http://pinterest.com/pin/260153315946229335/)
  4. End the phone call before walking into the house after work.
  5. Leave the phone on the counter when playing with Russell in his room. Sit on the floor with him, and whatever you do, do not try to multi-task when you are with him because you’ll be frustrated, both he and the task will suffer, and you might miss something so special.
  6. Walk the dog with Tim and Russell every morning, and wear warm clothes so that you can actually enjoy it.
  7. Let yourself cry when you see the kids in your neighborhood walking into school, and you imagine Russell being that big and independent some day.
  8. Call Mom.
  9. Don’t start thinking it’s a good idea to bake a lot right now when you read that foodie blog.
  10. When crazy kicks in, take a deep breath, put your feet flat on the floor, and deeply breathe in the presence of God here and now.
  11. Accept that there are only 24 hours in this day, relinquish the list, and trust that you are right where you are supposed to be. Then say your prayers, kiss Tim, and let the bed hold you up before falling asleep.

What gentle reminders are you giving yourself these days? I’d love to hear!

Spiritual Life

My father-in-law: Papa “D”

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on My father-in-law: Papa “D”

As many of you know, Tim’s dad passed away this past week and we went to WI for the funeral and to spend time with family. You can read his obituary here. We are grateful to all of you for your prayers, support and love on us during this time. Here is a letter I was able to write and have read to my father-in-law just before he died…

Dear Papa “D” –

I just wanted to write you a note and let you know what you’ve meant to me these last 11 years of Tim and I being married.

I remember the first time I met you, which was probably more like 15 years ago. It was at one of Dano’s high school football games when Tim disguised himself so that you would not recognize him and since you didn’t know me yet – we sat behind you and I asked you, “Do you know what time it is?” Then Tim revealed his identity and introduced me to you as his girlfriend.

From that moment on, I have many meaningful memories of time spent with you and your family. So many fun family vacations up north, being on the lake, shopping in Eagle RIver & Minocqua, sitting around the campfire, and so many great meals out in Denver at PF Changs and Ruth Chris Steakhouse. I have always appreciated how you really showed up for the ridiculous and silly games I would organize on our family vacations – like the craziest PJ contest and the Wildest Hat competition. We always knew we’d be in for a good laugh together when you unveiled your crazy costumes. I have enjoyed learning about your passion for music with the kids and the drive you put forth to organize the Marine Band coming to Wausau – not just once but twice!  I also have so many good memories of getting “special drinks” together at Starbucks or mixing up crazy concoctions for the “adult beverage special drinks” around the campfire. For these memories and many many more – I am grateful – and I thank God for you.

Most importantly I thank you for being Tim’s dad.  I truly feel like the luckiest girl on earth to get to be married to such a caring, sensitive, honest, hard working, and dependable man. I cannot think of anyone I respect more than Tim. Men rarely turn out to be so exceptional without a consistent and steady father figure in their lives. I owe you a heartfelt thank you for being Tim’s dad. I have been deeply blessed by you.

Since we don’t ever know what the future holds, I am grateful that you and I know the one who holds the future. And just in case I don’t see you until heaven, I will meet you there – and since they have closed down Ruth Chris Steakhouse here in Denver – I’m planning to enjoy a great meal with you on the other side of eternity.

“Love you much” – as I learned to say in the Grade household.

My thoughts, my heart and my prayers are with you right now.

In His Steady and Loving Arms,

Susie

Pastoral Leadership, Spiritual Life

on Power

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on on Power

Last week, I was in Guatemala with 10 other people from our church and in partnership with Mothers’ Global Village. Every morning we partnered with a local school to assist the local teachers in a kids’ program.  Our team consisted of people age 6 to 60+, including 9-year old Will, who–along with his 6 year old sister–was instantly famous. The Guatemalan kids ran to them immediately and wanted to touch their hair, speak in Spanglish, and play games with these two American kids. The rest of us were chopped liver next to Will and Kate.

After a couple days in the village Will noticed that one of the Mayan boys, Joni, who had darker skin than the other kids, was being excluded from games, and the other boys were not treating him fairly. This really bothered Will. Later that night he said to his mom, “That is not right. Those kids should not be treating him that way. And I’m a gringo, and I get respect here, so I’m going to do something about that.” And he did. Will went out of his way to choose Joni first and make sure he was never excluded. Later in the week, Will visited Joni’s home and took him a special gift.

Power. Will intuitively recognized he had power in this situation, and he wielded it well. I’m inspired by this 9 year old. We all have power, and we all get to decide how to use it. May you use whatever power and influence you have today for the good of others, and may the all-powerful God give you the wisdom to know right from wrong and the courage to choose it.

Pastoral Leadership, Spiritual Life

Having an “I used to think” List

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Having an “I used to think” List

Gary Aronhalt recently spoke in our worship service and made a passing comment that everyone ought to have an “I used to think” list.  I have ruminated on his idea ever since hearing it. We don’t usually like to admit that we used to think or believe one way but have since changed our opinion because that means admitting we may have been wrong. However, the alternative to changing perspectives is staying stuck and not progressing or growing as people.  Do I really want to be proud of thinking the same things today that I thought when I was a pre-teen, teen, or young adult?  Do I really imagine I have it all figured out today and will perceive myself, the world, and God the same when I am 70? Most likely, many of my present suppositions will change over time, which is a healthy mark of personal and spiritual development.

So I’ve been thinking… and here is my first draft of a list of Things I Used to Think:

I used to think that whenever people changed churches, they were flaky and just church hopping. Now I think that we have friends and faith communities for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I used to think that because I’m an ENTJ and logically minded that I would not be a very sentimental mom. Now I think that parenting has opened up a part of my heart that I did not think existed. I used to think that if a woman made more money than her husband, they had a bad marriage and probably would not make it. Now I think that people of quality are not threatened by equality. I used to think that people could not be friends with their parents. Now I know that I can. I used to think that what a person believed was about all that mattered. Now I think who we are, what we think, and how we behave are interconnected. I used to think that God was stationary, like a rock. Now I think that God is on the move and active, like a world traveler. I used to think that if I was publically humiliated or rejected by others, I would not survive. Now I know I can.

Perhaps for me there is a theme of growing a bit in the grace and freedom of my life in Christ.  I’m curious, what would you put on your list? I would love to hear!

 

 

Spiritual Life, Uncategorized

Happy Anniversary Tim –from Susie

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Happy Anniversary Tim –from Susie

When Tim and I were planning our wedding, which happened 11 years ago this week, we had our list of priorities.  #1. We would invite as many people as we wanted to invite, without any excruciating guest list cuts. #2. Stuart Briscoe (my pastor) had to perform our ceremony.  #3. We would host a really great dance.  Dancing was more important to me than my dress, and I think I dreamed about it more than walking down the aisle.

Last month we went to Mark & Kimmie’s wedding, and they too knew how to prioritize dancing.  So, Tim, I, Bill, Kate, Cherstin, Travis, and a host of other people whose names I want to list but won’t, all got out there and shook our stuff.

Dancing is such a leveling experience. Everyone moving, acting goofy, and throwing their hands in the air and their heads back in laughter. It’s about celebrating and moving and acting ridiculous, and even when you don’t know what you’re doing, you find yourself yelling out, “Go Mark, go Kimmie, go-go-go, Kimmie!”

I’ve decided Russell is going to grow up in a bilingual home. He will come from a family that taught him both English and Dance.  Grandma gave him this annoying little karaoke machine with the song “Shake, shake, shake your body,” and we play it multiple times daily.  It’s fun, it’s silly, and it reminds me of the importance of joy.

There are many disciplines I want in my life, and practicing joy is one of them.  Life is hard, really hard.  Yet God has built us with a need to celebrate, and sometimes the best way to do that is to dance.

Happy Anniversary, Tim! I love being married to you – and I’m glad we are still prioritizing people and dancing together today. To the rest of you, take a little time for joy today!

Spiritual Life

It’s my birthday

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on It’s my birthday

Today is my birthday, and I’m 37.  (Actually I am posting this 2 days after I wrote it, so Friday, July 13th was my real birthday) I know some of you are thinking, “Wow, she is old!” and others of you may be thinking, “I remember when I was that young…”  Age is what it is and there is no changing it, no matter how much botox, mommy make-over work, and age-defying moisturizers are applied. Honestly, I kind of hesitated to tell you my age because I know it could discredit me one way or the other, depending on who you are and where you find yourself on the age spectrum in relation to me. The scriptures say, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re young [or old?!?]. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity.” 1 Timothy 4:12. Paul, who was Timothy’s mentor and the author of these words, was apparently familiar with our human tendency to measure ourselves and others by artificial expectations of maturity. He gave Timothy a different and wholly counter-cultural measuring tool: the quality of a person’s character and life legacy.

I’ve had a front row seat to some people who have not handled the changes of aging well. I also know some people who are aging well and without fear of rejection.  When I say “aging well,” I don’t mean they look 20 at 40, per se, but rather they live more alive, content, in touch with their heart, confident, and free at 40 than they did at 20. Their lives, by word, demeanor, love, faith, and integrity reveal an inner depth and stability. And I just have to say, that is really beautiful to see. Grey hair grown through the courage of risking to love and wrinkles acquired through daring to still laugh in the midst of pain trump perfect hair and flawless skin in my book any day.

My birthday prayer today is for each of us to grow in grace as we age, no matter how many years we count.

Susie

Spiritual Life

That one small word

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on That one small word

I just had coffee with someone I haven’t seen in a long time and while we were catching up, he brought up a situation in my life that still feels broken, despite superficial “fineness” with the people involved and enormous efforts at repair.  I’m not sure why I felt the need to hide, but I did my best to poker face my way through the conversation, pushing the sadness away from my eyes, not revealing the pain that still remains.

I left the coffee shop and felt sad and a little ashamed. I decided to walk around the neighborhood before returning to the office – to pray, clear my head, and re-center myself. The walk only intensified my feelings. Instead of finding peace, I dove headlong into my worry, shame, and fears, and in rehearsing my anxieties; I started to feel worse and worse and worse.  I wanted to “walk it off” but when “it” is on the inside, walking doesn’t always work. Because I am committed to living in freedom, honesty, forgiveness, gratitude and grace, it’s hard for me to accept a situation or relationship’s brokenness, especially after I have done everything in my power to reconcile, without success.

So, what do you do when there is a hurt that might never fully heal?  What do you do… when you’ve done all you know to do and the situation still feels a little broken?  When you’re a fixer, and you just can’t fix it?  When there are no songs on your shuffle playlist that will comfort the prick inside? When you are a pastor and you need to be pastored?  When you need to be guided to a place that you cannot get to on your own?

I usually call my counselor or spiritual director, or I journal or talk to one of my small circle of trusted “home team” friends.  Today, I did all of the above. From the collective wisdom these encounters provided, one truth strikes me most: I need acceptance.  I need to accept God’s grace for the past. I need to accept what cannot be changed (a la Serenity prayer). I need to accept that the past is the past. That one little word – accept – might make the difference between my moving forward and my staying stuck.

May you too work to change what can be changed, and may you accept what needs accepting in your life today.