Spiritual Life

Planting Raspberry Bushes

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Tim and I have planted raspberry bushes in three of our prior homes, and we have never lived at any of them long enough to be able to enjoy the fruit. Now we are thinking of planting some berry bushes again, but we don’t want to jinx ourselves because we’d like to stay in this new house more than two minutes.

Gardening endeavors highlight the importance of seasons in our growth and productivity. Some Christian cultures tend to measure spiritual maturity by how much people do. I actually had someone say to me the other day, “When I’m at church, I feel like a shmuck because everyone is doing so much!” But activity is not how Jesus or the Bible talks about spiritual maturity. Instead, Jesus – the man for all seasons – promises to meet us in the drought of summer, the cold of winter, the vibrancy of spring, or the richest harvest of autumn that our lives could ever see. God does not call us to a life of busyness but rather to a life offruitfulness. Paul says the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.

I long for my life and for our church to replace the paradigm of busy spirituality with a spirituality of abiding. Abiding means that sometimes we are busy, and sometimes we are still; sometimes we are pushing with all we’ve got, and other times we are just waiting patiently. Each season calls us to something different, and the real measure of maturity is not being busy – but rather the fruit our lives produce. Always, we are doing the steady, quiet work of tending to our hearts by paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and conviction, so that God’s character (the fruit of the Spirit) has room to flourish.

In reality, even fruitfulness can be difficult to observe or measure, because just like Tim and I haven’t been able to see or taste the fruit of our gardening efforts, so we often do not get to see or taste the fruit of our spiritual lives. Gardening of all kinds requires not only the discipline of weathering the seasons but also trusting that God will be faithful with the results.

Spiritual Life

Why Facebook Isn’t Enough

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Why Facebook Isn’t Enough

Tim and I recently sat through two eight-hour days of parenting classes in preparation for our upcoming adoption. In a required class about attachment, we learned the distinction between bonding and attaching. We learned that bonding activities lead to attachment, and attachment is fundamental to a child’s development. We were encouraged to prioritize and participate in a variety of bonding activities with our adopted child in the hope of forming a strong attachment, which will be critical to every next step of our journey together. Bonding activities for new parents include things like holding, singing, making eye contact and all the goo-goo-ga-ga babbling that new parents do with their babies.

I came home from our training sessions and prepared for Platt Park Church’s present sermon series, called “Alone: If we never learn to be alone, all we’ll ever be is lonely.” My preparation included reading about Facebook’s impact on society, and this quotation from an article in the Atlantic Daily struck me: “What Facebook has revealed about human nature – and this is not a minor revelation – is that a connection is not the same thing as a bond.” A connection is not the same as a bond, and a bond is not the same thing as an attachment. Facebook is more about connections than it is about bonding. Bonding usually happens face to face in those moments when we can’t easily project or edit an image of ourselves. Over time, enough of these un-edited face-to-face bonds form attachments between people. But this kind of meaningful attaching requires us to get off our devices and actually make time and space for face-to-face encounters.

When God created Adam, the first man, he said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” But think about it: Adam was not alone; Adam was with God! Apparently, even God’s presence was not enough to fully satisfy Adam’s heart, and so God created companionship. God knew that humans would need “face time” with other people in order to survive and grow.

I’m a big fan of Facebook, but I want to guard myself from the illusion that all my quick little connections are creating or sustaining healthy, vibrant attachments. Absolutely nothing can replace the gift of being present to each other in time and space.

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The Jade Plant

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Several years ago I had a really cool, HUGE, old jade plant. Every time people walked into my office, they would comment, “cool plant!” One time a guy from Texas came to our office and he loved my jade plant so much that I chopped off a big portion for him to take home and re-pot. In fact, there were several times I cut off big branches of that jade and shared them with people who later told me their new plant was thriving. Then our office changed and frankly the entire organization kind of fell apart. I relocated my jade to my new office space.

After a few months in the new space, my jade plant wasn’t looking so good. It had gone from healthy and robust to limp and lifeless. When the jade plant finally fell and the once mighty plant was declared dead, I began the clean up process. What I discovered was that the inside of the jade’s trunk was completely rotten! It was the craziest thing! Some green leaves still appeared to be growing, but the inside was completely dead.

This whole jade plant experience reminds me that what we see on the outside is not always consistent with what’s on the inside. Sometimes people, families, organizations and endeavors look very good, very “up and to the right,” but in reality, the middle is rotten. Sometimes a rotten middle is a narcissistic leader at the helm, or the mismanagement of resources, or perhaps a disgruntled staff. But whatever it may be, rotten middles always reveal themselves in time, and they always bring death and destruction. That is why interior health must be a priority for leaders, families, churches, and businesses.

Scripture tells us, “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” We are well into this new year 2013, and there is no time like the present to do the difficult work of examining our hearts before God and taking whatever next action steps are needed to participate with God in our healing and renewing. Here is a simple starting guide, if you are unsure where to begin:

  1. Be still with God. Examine the jade plant of your life, not just the exterior leaves that everyone sees and admires, but also the inner thoughts, emotions and motivations.
  2. If any part of this slow examination causes you shame or sadness, notice it.
  3. Sit with the noticing, as if you are looking deep into the core of the jade plant, seeing the colors, feeling the textures, maybe smelling the stench.
  4. If needed, confess your diseased-ness and your need for God’s help.
  5. Ask God for wisdom to know what steps may be needed.
  6. Make a movement in the direction of healing and restoration.

 

Spiritual Life

Hosting Dinner with No Countertops

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When Tim and I were first married I really rolled out the red carpet when hosting friends for dinner or out-of-town company for the weekend. I love entertaining, so making our house look like the Pottery Barn (on a Target budget) was fun for me. One of our early fights in marriage was about me wanting to roll out the red carpet for guests and Tim wanting to serve my parents pizza and beer on paper plates. Now after 11 years of being married, I have to say this is really one area that has changed for me. I still enjoy hosting beautiful dinners sometimes, but I have come to appreciate the time with people more than what we’re eating or how it all looks. 

So this morning I invited the neighbors for dinner, and they are coming over at 5 o’clock and our house is a total (not joking), total construction zone. I’m cooking on the plywood countertop until the real one is installed, and there is an uninstalled dishwasher in the middle of the kitchen, and all the windows are completely bare. But, we have a table and we have chairs and it will be a memory when I offer them a glass of wine in one of Russell’s sippy cups because I still can’t find the box with the wine glasses in it. But if I wait until everything is perfect, I probably won’t be hosting for a while because this house needs a lot of updating. So I’ve decided to just move forward with having people over – in our mess – and not worry about it. Relationships, faith and gratitude in the middle of a construction zone: that describes my life today.  

It seems there are two ways to live. One says, “I will be grateful when . . . [fill in the blank],” and the other says, “I will be grateful now.” You can say, “I will be grateful when . . . my house is done, or when I get that job, or find the right girl.” Or you can say, “I will be grateful now.” You choose.

Psalm 118:26 says, “This is the day that the Lord has made. We shall rejoice and be glad in it.”  It does not say tomorrow is the day God has made, or yesterday but rather “this is the day.” 

 What can you be grateful for today?

Parenting, Spiritual Life

What I’m Learning from Barney

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While walking into church Sunday morning, I saw another mom and her child scurrying into the warm building because it was cold outside. I burst into a Barney song, “Cold, brrr, I wish I had fur, I wish I was a bear with furry, furry hair, it’s cold, brrr…”. Now, repeat that 5 times while dancing and spinning. (Click here if you want to see the professional himself perform this song.)

When Tim and I considered having children, I swore I would never watch the annoying purple dinosaur, let alone memorize his ridiculous songs! I love kids, but I really, really, really do not like most children’s music. All those sing song-y, stick in your head, repetitive songs just about drive me crazy.

When Russell and I are in the car together, we don’t listen to kids songs. We listen to U2, Taylor Swift, John M. McMillian, and Gungor – okay, you could argue Taylor Swift is in the kids category – but the point is that we do not listen to pre-school music.

However, sometime during this past month, Russell became enamored with Barney. Tim and I are not Barney people – or I should say we were not Barney people. We are not the kind of people who browse children’s books at Barnes & Noble. We are not especially fond of cartoons or the germ-infested petri dish called “The Bouncy Castle” at the fair. But we are Russell people, and Russell loves Barney. So, we have found joy in watching him study the purple dinosaur with the short arms who laughs and spins and sings.

I guess that is how love works. We do things we wouldn’t otherwise choose for ourselves because the people we love enjoy them. This is the lesson Barney and Russell have been teaching me. I love Russell, and Russell loves Barney, so – at least for now – we’ll be singing Barney’s silly songs in my house.

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You just have to commit

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on You just have to commit

While coaching Josh, our worship & outreach pastor at Platt Park Church, on the talk that he gave on December 30th, I listened to him deliver a great joke as part of his message. I noticed him pulling back just a little bit as he told me the joke.  I can relate!  Whenever any one of us creates something and offers it to the world, aren’t we tempted to pull back just a little (or a lot), with this anxious question inside, “Do you like it?” or “Did that work?”

My coaching advice to Josh was this: “If you’re going to tell that joke in the message, you’ve got to commit. You’ve got to decide you’re going to do it and then just put it out there full force, no matter if people laugh at your joke or not.”

Well, he delivered that joke with conviction, and it worked, and I was so proud of him for taking the risk to put himself out there, regardless of the response. Even if it hadn’t worked, and people hadn’t understood or laughed, I’d still be proud because the world needs more people to risk, to dare greatly, to take a chance at adding value/joy/insight/art to this broken world.

When you choose to commit, we are all better for it.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

First Steps

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Russell still walking on his knees
Russell still walking on his knees

Russell is a late walker. He is 16 months old now and mainly he still walks on his knees. Here is the thing: he can walk. I see him do it, but he just moves so fast walking on his knees that I guess he thinks,  “Why bother?”. When the knee-walking works so well, the motivation to change is just not very high.

I understand, Buddy. I am late at a few things too. I am late at learning that not every situation can be smoothed over, no matter how hard I try.  I am late to accept that love and small resentments can co-exist, and that doesn’t mean that the ship is sinking. I am late at realizing that almost everyone does what they do for a reason, and if I will listen long enough, I may just come to understand why.

But you know what? Late is okay sometimes, and grace is for the late ones. First steps will come soon enough.  In the meantime, from the first steps until the last steps, God’s grace is sufficient for both of us.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Gentle Reminders to Myself

by susiegrade1 Comment on Gentle Reminders to Myself

My life is a little crazy these days. Here is why: Besides co-leading a church with Tim, my family and I are moving into the church parsonage in January. I am involved in running a small side business we own, we are adopting a child, I am mom to a boy who is straddling the line between baby and toddler, and it’s almost Christmas.  So, I’ve decided to create a little list of instructions for myself to follow this month – just so I can be present and connected to God through Advent and keep everything in perspective when life is full.

Gentle reminders to myself for surviving the holidays:

  1. Go to your small group and tell everyone how you’re really doing, even if you sound stupid, or cry, or think they think you’re something other than fine.
  2. Avoid Pinterest for vague dreaming that only leaves you feeling inadequate.
  3. Use Pinterest only if you will actually implement a brilliant idea like removing some foul mildew smell in your towels. (http://pinterest.com/pin/260153315946229335/)
  4. End the phone call before walking into the house after work.
  5. Leave the phone on the counter when playing with Russell in his room. Sit on the floor with him, and whatever you do, do not try to multi-task when you are with him because you’ll be frustrated, both he and the task will suffer, and you might miss something so special.
  6. Walk the dog with Tim and Russell every morning, and wear warm clothes so that you can actually enjoy it.
  7. Let yourself cry when you see the kids in your neighborhood walking into school, and you imagine Russell being that big and independent some day.
  8. Call Mom.
  9. Don’t start thinking it’s a good idea to bake a lot right now when you read that foodie blog.
  10. When crazy kicks in, take a deep breath, put your feet flat on the floor, and deeply breathe in the presence of God here and now.
  11. Accept that there are only 24 hours in this day, relinquish the list, and trust that you are right where you are supposed to be. Then say your prayers, kiss Tim, and let the bed hold you up before falling asleep.

What gentle reminders are you giving yourself these days? I’d love to hear!

Spiritual Life

My father-in-law: Papa “D”

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As many of you know, Tim’s dad passed away this past week and we went to WI for the funeral and to spend time with family. You can read his obituary here. We are grateful to all of you for your prayers, support and love on us during this time. Here is a letter I was able to write and have read to my father-in-law just before he died…

Dear Papa “D” –

I just wanted to write you a note and let you know what you’ve meant to me these last 11 years of Tim and I being married.

I remember the first time I met you, which was probably more like 15 years ago. It was at one of Dano’s high school football games when Tim disguised himself so that you would not recognize him and since you didn’t know me yet – we sat behind you and I asked you, “Do you know what time it is?” Then Tim revealed his identity and introduced me to you as his girlfriend.

From that moment on, I have many meaningful memories of time spent with you and your family. So many fun family vacations up north, being on the lake, shopping in Eagle RIver & Minocqua, sitting around the campfire, and so many great meals out in Denver at PF Changs and Ruth Chris Steakhouse. I have always appreciated how you really showed up for the ridiculous and silly games I would organize on our family vacations – like the craziest PJ contest and the Wildest Hat competition. We always knew we’d be in for a good laugh together when you unveiled your crazy costumes. I have enjoyed learning about your passion for music with the kids and the drive you put forth to organize the Marine Band coming to Wausau – not just once but twice!  I also have so many good memories of getting “special drinks” together at Starbucks or mixing up crazy concoctions for the “adult beverage special drinks” around the campfire. For these memories and many many more – I am grateful – and I thank God for you.

Most importantly I thank you for being Tim’s dad.  I truly feel like the luckiest girl on earth to get to be married to such a caring, sensitive, honest, hard working, and dependable man. I cannot think of anyone I respect more than Tim. Men rarely turn out to be so exceptional without a consistent and steady father figure in their lives. I owe you a heartfelt thank you for being Tim’s dad. I have been deeply blessed by you.

Since we don’t ever know what the future holds, I am grateful that you and I know the one who holds the future. And just in case I don’t see you until heaven, I will meet you there – and since they have closed down Ruth Chris Steakhouse here in Denver – I’m planning to enjoy a great meal with you on the other side of eternity.

“Love you much” – as I learned to say in the Grade household.

My thoughts, my heart and my prayers are with you right now.

In His Steady and Loving Arms,

Susie