Category: Spiritual Life

Spiritual Life

Off to Israel

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Off to Israel

I’m heading to Israel this week for a tour of the Holy Land with 30+ other pastors. I’m absolutely delighted to be going and simultaneously dreading being away from Russell for a full 9 days.  I know, it’s only 9 days, but I’m going to miss that little man!  I remember my childhood pastor Stuart Briscoe telling stories about missionaries back in the day who packed their belongings in a coffin and sang the old hymn, “I’ll See You Someday in Heaven” as they hugged and kissed their loved ones forever goodbye at the boat dock and headed to the mission field.

I wonder if there is any modern-day equivalent of such total abandonment to God and calling?  Leaving family, friends, comfort, home, and land to follow God’s calling when there was no Internet and only a slow boat in one direction seems to me now to be so single-minded, so final, so fully abandoned. Where are today’s examples, in the United States, of people who are “abandoning all” in surrender to God’s call on their lives?  Maybe I’m just being nostalgic about the old-school missionary stories, but I wonder sometimes if we haven’t lost something since then?

What do you think? Do you have any present-day stories of people who have sacrificed very deeply to follow their understanding of Jesus’ mission for them?

As I say goodbye to my sweet Russell for the next 9 days, I remember and honor others who have gone before me and modeled gracious openhandedness with the people and possessions dearest to them.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Why I Love Child Dedication

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Why I Love Child Dedication

As a Pastor, Mother’s Day makes me a little nervous every year. I am always aware that this is a painful day, a joyful day, a salt-in-the-wound day and a sacred day – depending on your experience. It is also a beautiful opportunity-day to acknowledge that anytime someone chooses to nurture & care for another human being, they are “mothering” in the best definition of that word.

Tomorrow we will celebrate with nearly 10 families who have chosen to dedicate their children to the Lord. I get misty-eyed every time we have child dedication in our worship service. I’m not sure if it has always been the case throughout the history of parenting but I know that the parents I speak with today (and myself included) regularly feel some shame in their job as parents. If you pull a busy parent aside and say, “you are doing a great job” do not be surprised if they break out into tears. Maybe it is the high expectations of our culture that no one feels they can measure up, maybe it is because every parent just has those days where they want to resign from the job and then feel guilty for wanting to, or maybe it is because little kids are just so unrelenting in their need for help, guidance and parenting.

So when parents stand up and dedicate themselves and their children to God it is a declaration of dependence, it is a cry for help in the best possible way we can cry out for help. It is a full-on, complete and total acknowledgement that we as parents cannot do this job alone. We need God, we need our friends and family, and we need our church community. There are not many places in this world where you can basically stand up and say “I need a ton of help here” and then make a celebration & ceremony out of how totally awesome that is to admit to the world.

Thank you in advance to all the families who will share heart-felt letters to your children with us in church tomorrow. Thank you for modeling dependence and your need for help. Thank you for modeling courage and strength for all of us. Thank you for being a part of our church. We know that you do not need one more person needing you right now, but the truth is: we need you too, our church needs you. We don’t need you to do anything extra, we just need you to be in our lives because what you are doing in raising children is important and when we see your sacrifice we remember why Jesus said “let the little children come to me” and we are reminded that God is found in serving the littlest and least of these.  You are doing a great job.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Turning the Car Around

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Turning the Car Around

We had to turn the car around on our way to Frisco the other day because we forgot “White Bear,” one of Russell’s favorite stuffed animal friends. Most child psychologists believe that “lovies” are a very good thing for children developmentally. A treasured “lovie” can provide:

*comfort during sad times
*security in scary situations
*a someone/something that is with you at all times

As adults, we have our own socially accepted version of “White Bear.” We use words like “comfort food” and “financial security,” and we have things like our cell phones that most of us will absolutely turn the car around and go back for, rather than face the day without them.

I think we instinctively know that these “white bears” in our lives aren’t the real deal, but we sometimes still give them a lot of power. We forget, or fail to trust, our first and true love. Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”

May we turn to Christ today for rest, for comfort, and for security-and to abide in the One who is with us always.

Spiritual Life

Ash Wednesday & Falling in Love

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Ash Wednesday & Falling in Love

We are entering week 3 of our pre-marital course and I am so inspired by the couples we meet and the stories they share. I long for each couple we meet to keep their first love (in Jesus) while falling in love with each other. One of the realities of marriage is that everyone sets out with great love and affection in their hearts. Most people love their spouse. But we all know that it is not enough to just love people “in our hearts” we must also love them in our calendars, with our time and attention. When we create and commit space in our lives for those we love, we are often surprised by what happens.

This upcoming Wednesday, March 5th is Ash Wednesday, the day that begins our lenten journey as a church. Lent is the 40 day season leading up to Easter where we remember our mortality and prepare ourselves for Easter. There is a tradition in Christian history to give something up during lent. The heart of this habit is not about a self-improvement project; the spirit behind it is intentionally spending time with Jesus – not just in our hearts, but in the real time calendar of our lives – so He can surprise us. So whether you choose to take something up or give something up this season, my prayer is that we might commit and create space in our lives for the One whose love is deepest, widest, strongest and most unimaginable.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Practicing What I Preach

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Practicing What I Preach

Our message series for Advent this past December was called “Be Present to the Unexpected.”  For four weeks leading up to our Christmas Eve services, I spoke about how unexpected it was for God to bring his son into the world as a baby. I taught that part of being present at Christmas time was being present to the unexpected things in our own lives. On Christmas Eve, I had a chance to practice what I preached.

Since Christmas Eve is the 2nd largest event of the church year, I always impose on myself some pressure for the services/message. All December long, I battle voices in my head that say things like, “Don’t mess up this message because there will be lots of visitors that day.” And then I remind myself it’s about God and not about me…, and then I basically repeat this debate 100x over in my head throughout the month.

The week before this Christmas, our nanny Gabby returned to China to visit her family after 2 years here in the U.S. We were so happy and excited for her, but her travel disrupted what had become our normal routines with our 2 ½ year old son Russell.

Our dear friend Charlie heard we needed help and volunteered to watch Russell for us on Christmas Eve morning. At about noon, while in my office putting final touches on the talk for that afternoon, I got a call from Charlie saying, “Russell is sick.” Concerned, I zipped home, a conveniently short commute since we live next door to the church. Russell did not look good. By 2 p.m. my concern had not waned, so I called the nurse hotline to get some advice, and she said, “You need to bring him in right away.” The only appt was at 3 p.m., and our first service was at 3:30 p.m. I was thinking: T minus 90 minutes until the service starts… No pressure here, Susie… 2nd biggest event of the year… and your baby needs to go to the doctor!

I hung up the phone and started crying uncontrollably. Something about that mix of pressure of a big day plus my-baby-needs-me and a little bit of the mother-guilt over having a babysitter on Christmas Eve and the fear of what might be wrong with Russell  added up to my feeling so raw, vulnerable, and all alone. So I cried big tears that seemed even to me in the moment a bit disproportionate for the situation, but I couldn’t help it.

Here is how God showed up in that moment and how I got to practice what I had preached: “Be present to the unexpected.” The unexpected sick kid, the unexpected tears, the unexpected timing of it all. God showed up for me in the unexpected presence of Rob and Carol (our medical expert friends & church elder) who came to our home, assessed & treated Russell, and reassured me. The blessedness of their gift of love to me in that moment cannot be overstated. They were hands-down the best Christmas gift I received, and they gave it just by being there and being Jesus-with-skin-on for me that day.

God also showed up for me in the unexpected presence of Curtis, our professional musician friend who canceled his Christmas Eve plans to stay with our son, skipping out on the candlelight service himself.  He was away from his family for the first time ever on Christmas, and he chose to be family to us by sitting with our sick toddler. When I walked in our back door after the services were done, weary and grateful that God had gotten us through, Russell was curled up and sleeping on Curtis’ lap on the couch. That image, even to this day, makes me weep.

Of all the plans we made that year for Christmas (the special music, holiday foods, carefully crafted décor, and nostalgic candlelight) God chose to come closest to me in the unexpectedness of that night, which I will not soon forget.

 

Spiritual Life

About Crying in the Shower

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on About Crying in the Shower

Apparently, crying in the shower is a common way our bodies tell us that our lives feel overwhelming. I’m not usually a cry-in-the-shower girl. In fact I can only think of twice in my entire life when I’ve done that: 1) When I had to wake up at 4 a.m. for my first job in a bakery as a 16 year old, and 2) After Russell was born and I experienced “baby blues” to be a real phenomenon of out-of-whack hormones. On both of these occasions, I cried out of the overwhelming feelings of new responsibility coupled with a very real fear of inadequacy.

In those vulnerable moments, crazy and extreme ideas can run through your head, like, “Who am I?” or “Surely I am not enough for this task?” or “Of course they will stop accepting me once they really know me.” In looking back over past experiences that overwhelmed me, I see them as gifts in life. If we never do anything beyond ourselves, never do anything that scares the pants off of us, never do anything that feels gut churning , then how will we ever grow? How will we learn what it feels like for God to work through us?

When I read stories about Moses, David, Esther, Ruth and other great heroes of the faith, I wonder if they ever cried in the shower (or the ancient middle-east equivalent)? Like us, they sometimes faced the challenging combination of new responsibility and fear of inadequacy. It’s ironic that we tend to refer to those characters in Scripture as “heroes” of the faith because they really aren’t heroes at all. They are just ordinary people with apprehensions, reservations, complaints and resistance. The real hero in their stories is God. For example, in Moses’ story, God is the one who shows up and leads Israel out of slavery even though Moses is too scared to speak to Pharaoh and say, “Let my people go.”

I don’t know whether Moses cried in the shower, but I am grateful that he and others did not turn away when faced with challenges way beyond their ability or confidence.

And I hope you and I will soon have that sacred combination of new responsibility & the fear of inadequacy in our lives somewhere-because right there is where we become dependent on God, not in an intellectual way, but in an actual way. My prayer for you when you do find yourself in that overwhelming position is that you won’t settle for comfort or convenience, but that you’ll remain and allow God to be courage, power and strength in you and through you.

Pastoral Leadership, Spiritual Life

Just Jesus Please

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Just Jesus Please
Every Fall, our teaching team at church meets to pray and brainstorm about the message series for the upcoming year. This past October, we each wrote down what we thought might be important topics, and then we shared them with each other. One theme emerged this year from all five people around the table: the desire to talk more about Jesus – the historical, radical, confusing and redeeming person we know as Lord and Savior and Friend. So, beginning just before Easter, we are going to spend several weeks on Jesus. As Ruth Bell Graham once said, “Just give me Jesus!”

 I’ve begun ruminating and talking with others about Jesus, and I think many people feel confused about Him, and some have decided to throw Him out all together.  There are many things that challenge, confuse and even sometimes anger me about Jesus too. Like why did he heal some but not all? Why hasn’t he returned yet? Is he really the only way to God? Why did he so often teach in parables?

On the flip side, I keep returning to some things I like about Jesus:

  • Jesus was always a redeemer and healer; his trajectory in relating with others was toward their growth and wellbeing.
  • He noticed and cared for the oppressed and/or those who were unrecognized or under-valued (e.g. fisherman, women, tax collectors, children).
  • He taught with authority and creativity, and he mentored in close proximity.
  • He honored tradition but also breathed fresh air/new life into what had become a system of rules.
  • He gave people hope that things could be different – in this life and the next. He then exemplified this with his own death and resurrection. The greatest tragedy and injustice was turned inside out. This gives me hope that even the most terrible circumstances may have surprising ends.
  • He is a picture to me of “God with us,” Emmanuel. Because of his life, I have a clearer vision of my own purpose to be an extension of God-with-us to others.
  • Scripture tells me I can be clothed in his righteousness and when God looks at me, he actually sees me through the righteousness of Christ.

Whether you are presently angry with Jesus, confused by him, enamored with him, or just plain curious, I hope you will find the upcoming series helpful. Jesus’ invitation is always, “Come,” and the Platt Park teaching team would love to have you come and join us as we study and dialogue together.

Spiritual Life

Valley of Achor

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Valley of Achor

Our world is so broken. Just look around. Over the last few months, massive destruction has taken place in the Philippines typhoon, ongoing conflict ensues between Israel and Palestine, someone opened fire in the LAX airport, and much closer to home Arapahoe high school has experienced a great tragedy. Within the last couple of weeks, I’ve counseled with a person whose spouse cheated, a woman whose family is fighting over money in the wake of her mother’s recent death, and a couple whose hearts are broken at being estranged from their son.

Life is hard, and our planet is broken.

Hosea 2:14-15 reads, “I will make the valley of Achor [disaster] a door of hope.”

In Hebrew, Achor means “great trouble.” The valley of Achor is a place or a situation where you are in great trouble.

The promise of God is to make the valley of Achor into a door of hope. In the midst of our deep heavy burdens, worst failures, and unbearable struggles, God is working his purposes in our lives. Because of Jesus, and because of heaven, the best is yet to come, whether in this life, in eternity, or in both.

May God help us to see beyond the valley of our troubles and disaster to the door of hope that he is opening up ahead.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Chinese Baby + Advent

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Chinese Baby + Advent

Last year I woke up in the middle of the night with a strong sense that a woman in China was having a baby. This would be an unusual dream during most times of my life, but on this occasion, Tim and I were in the midst of a season of adoption exploration. We were taking 24 hours of required parenting courses in hopes of some day bringing home a child from China.

I may never know this side of eternity whether a woman in China was really giving birth at that moment, but the dream nonetheless created an emotional connection for me with our future adopted child.

Connectedness is what we celebrate during Advent…

God has a spiritual connection with each of us. The Scriptures say in Psalm 139 that God knew us before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs, He knows when we sit and when we lie down, He knows our words before we speak them, and He hears our thoughts.

When God sent Jesus, he added a physical bond with humanity-one that began in Mary’s womb, where vulnerability, waiting, and eventually pain attended his coming. Like all babies, Jesus bonded with Mary in utero – hearing her voice and feeling the beat of her heart. His connection with her was established even before she first held him close to her-skin to skin-, before his small hands wrapped around her or Joseph’s grown up fingers, and before they ever heard his coos and cries.

Jesus bonded with Mary & Joseph but also with all the people of Bethlehem, Nazareth, Galilee, etc. where he walked, taught, ate meals, slept, fished, healed, and loved. Advent is a time for us to remember how great God’s love for us is-that he crossed into humanity for our sake.

But Advent is also a time for us to hope for reconnection with God in a spiritual and physical way. Through Jesus’ physical death, we are able to spiritually commune with God without our guilt and shame hindering the bond. And we await with great anticipation the day when Jesus will return and we will see him face to face. “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now we know in part; then we shall know fully, even as we are fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

The connection I have with our adopted child is spiritual right now, but God willing, it will some day also be physical. I know that when I meet that little girl, I am going to do everything in my power to bond with her, and I can’t wait for that day.

Even today, in the vulnerable places, in the waiting and in the pain of our lives, our bonds with this Child King can be strengthened.

May your bond with the Christ child deepen this Advent season, as together we make room for Him.

Parenting, Spiritual Life

Russell Likes My Meatloaf

by susiegradeLeave a Comment on Russell Likes My Meatloaf

I have a good friend who has pretty much dropped out of church. She has her reasons, and I don’t judge her for them. During a recent conversation with her, she told me, “The thing I miss most about being in church is communion.”

I have never been much of a day-in-day-out cook. For the first ten years of Tim’s and my marriage, I usually cooked for company (which, granted, is a regular event in our house), and Tim usually cooked the rest of the meals. Since Russell, we haven’t found an actual family cooking rhythm yet, but I made meatloaf the other night, and Russell chowed it down like he hadn’t eaten in weeks! I feel like my heart could burst with happiness when I watch him eat my home cooked meals. I have been surprised by how much joy and satisfaction I derive from cooking a meal that Russell enjoys. It makes me feel like I am giving him nourishment that he needs to grow healthy and strong. It feels like a tangible way I can show him my love.

God invites us to share a meal with Him each week, a meal that He has provided for our nourishment and strength. I imagine it brings God’s heart great joy and satisfaction to be the source of our nourishment. Of course we can go many different places other than God for nourishment, but it is only ultimately in Him that we find satisfaction and strength. When we come to the table together, when we allow God to provide for us, it must bring his Father-heart such great delight.

May we never forget in the regularity and routine of worship, the beauty and power contained in sharing the Eucharist meal together.